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Category Archives: Just Because

Connecting the Dots

I currently have two seemingly unrelated thoughts swirling around in my head. Now to see if I can connect the dots. I beg encourage you to read until the end, no matter how much you want to run away … I want your opinions!

I just recently started going to a therapist. I decided that I deserve to be happy. Before my first session, I had many doubts. Doubts that she could make sense of my jumbled thoughts. Doubts that she could help me. But, I am just beginning to see the light. And, it feels good.

I have some depression and unresolved grief. That part is easy for me to understand the why’s of … even if I cannot exactly figure out how to help myself. (My therapist … let’s call her C, said we will get to that part later.) But, how I went from a competent, confident nurse to someone unable to hold a job of any kind due to anxiety is really beyond my comprehension. By breaking down my life into pieces, C has helped me to identify when it all started and how it all began to control me. A bunch of tears & a few panic attacks later, I learned that THAT was the simple part.

In the quest to find out my underlying issues, C has decided that due to some very negative influences in my life by some very judgmental (keep that word in mind because we will get back to that) people, followed by things that I see as “failures” in my life, I have begun to let their thoughts and actions sway my confidence, let their comments form my new negative self image and my supposed failures are all my anxiety needed to prove to me that these people are right. Wow!

So here is where I am at. (If you could care less where I am at and want to get on with the next part of this post, go to ** below) I have one central theme that begins controlling my thoughts. These thoughts are recurring but can change from day to day. As I obsess on these thoughts, my anxiety increases. In my home environment, my “safe” place, getting a handle on those thoughts turned out to be relatively quick. When my thought of the day began, I would acknowledge it and then write it all down. I call it giving the thought a voice. I would also write out my counter argument and then I give myself permission to let that thought go. For me, that has worked pretty well. One example from this past week, I had a best friend from the time that I was able to climb over the fence to her house. We were in the same grade and we were inseparable … until 6th grade. Out of the blue, she dumped me for a new best friend. It was tough for me. I guess I never really got over that hurt. I have often questioned what I did wrong. Was I not good enough? I still have dreams to this day of her talking to me and then in the middle she will just walk off and join a large group of people talking and laughing. I can feel the same childhood hurt all over again. So, for this scenario, I wrote down in detail the events surrounding the ending of our friendship. I wrote down how it made me feel. I wrote down the questions I would love to ask her ( but don’t really want to know the answers to). And then I wrote about all of the fun that we had and the joys that I had from being her friend. When I think of her now, I try to focus on the great parts of our friendship instead of the hurt. So far, so good.

The process involved in the environment outside of my home, more specifically job related, has not been so easy. Let’s say my mind is focused on a job as a cashier. My thoughts may cycle around “What if my drawer is short cash?” C’s answer is “So what?” When I tried my hand at working behind a seafood counter, I had a lot of problems hearing anyone due to the noise levels of all of the equipment. I felt like the other employees were watching my every move, judging me. C’s answer, “So what?” The answers to the question, “So what?” should not be so anxiety inducing when the stakes are not life or death. But, what about with nursing? What happens if I give the wrong medication? What happens if I treat the wrong patient? What happens if I make a mistake that I cannot fix? What if someone dies because of me? We are human, we make mistakes. But in all of those cases, “so what?” is a big deal! I know as a nurse, I am conscientious. I know that I do all of my double and triple checks. I know that I truly care about my patients. I know that I would never knowingly do something to hurt someone. But, “what if?’ has plagued my thoughts. It has shaken my confidence. It has made me question my purpose now that nursing seems like a lifetime ago.

** Now back to our word … judgmental. Before we go on, I feel a definition is in order. Miriam – Webster defines it as …

:tending to judge people too quickly and critically :of, relating to, or involving judgment

Recently in the news, there was a story about a Mom being photographed breastfeeding her baby in a restaurant. The poster of the picture made a comment about having to see this while eating his meal and with kids around. (I am not debating the issue of breastfeeding in public. I am also not debating the posting of a photo of a minor.) This Mom apparently was very adamant about receiving an apology for posting the photo and about the photo being removed. I cannot even begin to explain how I would have felt if this picture had been of me. But, how is this different from facebook friends posting photos of random people they see that are acting weird, dressed crazy or doing something extreme while they are out & about in their daily life? Or what about all of those People of Walmart posts? When did it become ok to judge people with or without all of the facts and then publicly call them out on it? Maybe people are dirty because they used their last dollar to buy their child food instead of a bar of soap. Maybe someone’s clothes are too small because their clothes burned in a fire and that is all that was donated to them. Maybe when you went out thinking you were dressed nicely someone else thought you looked hideous and posted your photo?

I will admit that I am guilty of occasionally forming negative opinions about those I come in contact with. But, before I speak or act on those thoughts, I try to determine if my thoughts need action or are they better off remaining just thoughts. I fail sometimes. But, I vow to never knowingly cause someone else undue anxiety or embarrassment for my own amusement.

If you made it this far, thank you! Now, for discussion … Most people form ideas or have opinions about other’s based on their dress or their speech or their actions. But what turns a seemingly harmless thought in your mind into a harsh judgment? When is it ok to speak whatever is on your mind without thought to the other person’s well being? Without thought to what is legally allowed, do you think it’s ok to post people’s photos without their knowledge on social media sites with your seemingly funny or negative comments? Would you be mad or think it was funny if you found a unflattering photo of yourself with a harsh comment on a facebook post?

Rule of Thirds: My Doggie

My last assignment to finish up on Blogging 101 … try another blogging event.

In response to The Daily Post’s weekly photo challenge: “Rule of Thirds.” This week, compose your subject off-center, obeying the Rule of Thirds.

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I am far from a photographer. When I finally ventured outside to find something beautiful in this dreary weather to take a picture of, I got nothin’. Then, I spotted my little doggie prancing back towards me. Unfortunately, all thought about trying out my camera settings to get a beautiful blur in the empty spaces went out the window. So, I cheated and used picmonkey to add the blur.

This is why I must join photography 101. I’ve got a lot to learn! Looking forward to it!

Little Glimpse Of Me

Being an anonymous poster here on Nonny Moose, I have said plenty about myself without revealing the actual fact of who I am. So today, I am giving a little photographic glimpse into my life.

For the past several months, I have been going through old photos & creating a private online scrapbook for my children. It is a slow & often torturous process because I have kept my photos so willy nilly. Some are in print in boxes, some on the newest laptop & some are on discs. And, NO, I did not write on the back of all of my photos. I just knew that I would never forget each particular event that I felt the need to document by photo. Wrong!

I hope the end result will be worth all of the effort.

As I was sorting through photos today, I came across one from my Mom that I had never seen before. In my mind, my grandmother was always old … white hair & well, grandmotherly. This is a rare photo I have found where she is anything but those things. She is approximately 41 at this time frame and holding my Mom.

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 The quality of the photo is pretty good considering it is at least 72 years old.

Below, she is holding baby me. This is the Grandma that I remember.

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And just for grins, I had to include a photo of me as a little grumpy girl.

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Now that made me laugh!

I would love more ideas on making a scrapbook type blog so that I can make the one for my family more creative and interesting! If your blog is like a family scrapbook or you know one that is, please share the link!

Audience of One

I do not consider myself a writer. So, the idea of an “audience” makes me feel more of a fraud. I am a thinker that sometimes puts words to a page. My audience until a few days ago was me.

Even writing anonymously & opening up my mind for all to see, I must write words that I will not be embarrassed to read. It would be awesome for my family and friend’s to come across my blog and love it (and me) even though they cannot be sure that it is me. I would want them to accept me despite the truths I may reveal about myself … just as I am.

As for my new friends, readers, audience (if you will), I welcome the gentle critic, the inspirational friend, those who are not too hung up on grammar and punctuation, those who share my same hobbies & issues. But, I even welcome those in which I have absolutely nothing in common, because …

People,
People who need people,
Are the luckiest people in the world

(Barbara Streisand)

Let Me Introduce Myself

When I received my first assignment for Blogging 101, the theme song from the children’s television show Daniel Tiger immediately popped in my mind. (Weird, I know!)

It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day for a neighbor. Would you be mine, could you be mine, would you be my neighbor.

Welcome blogging neighbor’s to my introduction post.

I began blogging years ago as my way to show off & occasionally sell my chinchillas. That was a somewhat successful blog that became obsolete when I decided to sell off my chinchilla herd. Changing the name and focusing more on weight loss, I was able to connect with a couple people on a similar journey. However, with a desire to feel more free to express myself openly on a variety of topics, I decided to go anonymous or Nonny Moose.

so much to do so much to see, won’t you ride along with me

I am a wife, a Mom, a Grandma, a nurse. I suffer from PCOS and anxiety & depression. My interests are varied and I tend to talk about whatever is on my mind at that particular moment. But, mainly, I ramble on about books, recipes, local area sites, weight loss, mental health, crafting, flowers and … well, anything and everything.

I got lots of friends for you and me, in this land of make believe, a friendly face on every streets just waiting to greet you.

I can see that some may wonder why go public if I am concerned about people reading my private thoughts. I guess that comes down to a little jealousy. I have a friend that blogs regularly and she connects with people all over the world. She has met up with many of them in person and even planned a trip internationally to visit a blogger friend. I want that … to meet people with my similar interests, to form a lasting friendship … even if those connections remain strictly online.

I do also have a private blog. A place where I am journaling memories and family photos to share with my family at a later date.

It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day for a neighbor

For me, blogging is a guilty pleasure. My time … a break from all of life’s responsibilities.

Beyond connecting with people, my goals for both of my blogs are (of course) to learn how to write better. Sure, I want people to want to read what I write. But, in essence, it is still for me. I am not an English whiz. You will find that I like to use !! and … That will never change. I would also like to learn to take better photographs & to learn to do fancy things with my blog. Eventually, I would love to be able to use my blog to build an income … to quit my day job, without sacrificing the intent of the blog. That goal, I believe is a long way off.

There it is, the tip of the iceberg about me. Thanks for stopping by! I look forward to this new journey & to those who will be completing it with me … Good Luck. Have fun!

won’t you ride along with me (ride along..)

11:11 … Just another time of day?

My husband has always made verbal note to those around when he has noticed the clock reading 11:11. When our grandson was born 11/2011 at 11:11pm, my husband thought that was the greatest moment possible. For me, I thought it was pretty interesting but otherwise I saw no more significance in the moment than the awesome fact that we had our very first grandchild!

My daughter-in-law’s delivery nurse (and a previous co-worker of mine) is on my facebook friend’s list. She often posts a wish or a prayer at 11:11 … when she just happens to be online.

While these two thoughts above really have nothing to do one with the other, they have made me more mindful of the time 11:11. I have never questioned my husband on his theories behind that specific number and I do not know my friend’s reasoning for her daily “wish.” So, I went on a little quest for information online. I wanted to know what that number means.

There appear to be many theories out there as to the significance of the time 11:11. Some were way over my head! One fact I found that is easy for us all to relate to is that it is the only time on a 12 hour clock that you will see all the numbers on the clock will read the same.

One of my favorites and the one that is probably closest to my personality is no matter what your theory, belief or even non-belief about the number’s meaning, it is a good time to stop and reflect on where you are at and what you are doing and know that it is exactly where you are supposed to be. On the days that I actually happen to stop at the exact time 11:11 to look at the clock, I say “Thank you, God!” I am truly thankful for all that I am (flaws & all) and for all that He has given me.

What does 11:11 mean to you? Is it just another time of day?

Wordless Wednesday

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