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Why are you 190 pounds?

I had trouble falling asleep over the weekend. One particular night, I just really had trouble turning off my brain. As I laid in bed, one thought began ruminating around …

Before I disclose that thought I must first tell you that I am a fan of The Biggest Loser. This past episode, one contestant had trouble figuring out why she got to the point she had in her life … more specifically, the weight she had gotten to. Jillian asked her repetitively why she had gotten to ?? pounds?

So, the thought that popped in my head on one of my sleepless nights was Jillian screaming at me & asking “Why are you 190 pounds?” Unlike last weeks contestant on The Biggest Loser, I can chronicle my path to this weight.

I left high school weighing 127 pounds. 

(My senior photo)

I married, had 2 sons and returned each post pregnancy to my new set point of 145 pounds. Not too bad for my 5’3 frame.

(About 145 ish pounds)

Then my upward spiral began …

In 1992, my life was forever changed when I delivered my only daughter, Hannah. She was stillborn. In my initial period of grieving, I dropped to my lowest weight ever as an adult … 107 pounds. It was particularly hard to return to everyday life since I was a labor and delivery nurse. And, even harder since my friends and family tried to shield me from the pain with avoidance of the subject. So, I ate the pain away. To make matters worse, knowing I wanted another child, I went through 5 years of infertility. Again, I ate away the pain. When I finally became pregnant, I topped the scale at 172 pounds. I did drop a few pounds postpartum, but that would be short lived. My new set point became 172 pounds.

In 2001, we moved to Tennessee. I found a job I loved … on most days. I found a great OB doctor and was diagnosed with PCOS. I began metformin with pretty good results and was able to drop down to 160 ish pounds. However, this was again short lived. The hospital where I worked was a small hospital and as most small hospitals have done around here they closed the OB unit the end of 2007. I decided to have a hysterectomy before again returning to work. Some called it nurse burn out, some called it wacky hormones from the surgery, some called it unresolved grief over my daughter … whatever it was, I never returned to nursing. And, again, I ate away the pain! My new set point became 190 pounds!

(March 13, 2010 @ 190 lbs.)

So, now we all know how I got here! I guess all that is left is to maneuver the road back from here.

I know we each struggle with our own daily issues … some life altering, some just minor inconveniences.

Weekends are the hardest for me. Monday through Thursday, we have a pretty set routine. I am usually home alone all day and I can make good choices. I usually do some calisthenic type exercises during the day and then my son and I go for a walk / run after school. But, Friday through Sunday, my husband is off and we “fly by the seat of his pants” as he likes to call it. I generally have a cheat day on Saturday and try to keep my will power through all of his temptations the other two days. Some weekends I am successful. This past weekend, however, I was not! And all exercise is non – existent on these days. Thank goodness, we do stay pretty active though … walked through the flea market, painted the upstairs, started cleaning the garage, looked for houses, grocery shopping, etc.

But, was it enough? This is the first time since beginning this that I am dreading my Monday weigh in. What I wouldn’t do for a little time on The Biggest Loser ranch! I sure could use Jillian or Bob to help me sort through my baggage!

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About nonnymoose2014

I have recently retired from the healthcare field, nursing. As I try to figure out what I want to be when I grow up, this seemed like the perfect time to try my hand at blogging again. In the past, my success (or lack thereof) I believe hinged on my fear of revealing too much about myself. I have a desire to “put it all out there” BUT I want to do it on my own terms … anonymously! Thus came Nonny Moose.

6 responses »

  1. You need to find your motivation. My family has many “fly by the seat” nights, and even if they all wind up getting pizza or chinese food, I make a salad and eat it proudly.

    I know the day will come when I can have those things again, in limited quantities, but not right now. Right now I have to concentrate on ME.

    Not sure where your motivation will come from, but I know I went on many a “diet” with a half-assed attitude and it never works. Not sure if this one will either, but at least I know I am 100% dedicated. If something isn’t working I change it until the scale is moving again.

    Good luck and keep blogging it all. It helps me a lot.

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    • I have found my motivation in the way of horrible reflux & indigestion … something that did not motivate me in my 20’s and 30’s! And, while it may seem that my set-back was lack of dedication, I see it as just a bump in my current path. In the past, I would have quit completely with one “bad day” let alone an entire weekend because I was not 100% dedicated then!! This time, I am back on it! Thanks for reading! Thanks for commenting! And thank you for the well wishes! I appreciate it! And … good luck to you, too!

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  2. Gina, what I great story, and God bless you and your baby Hannah, I’m so sorry. I wish we lived closer so we could walk together, sometimes it’s so hard to stick to it alone. This is the first time I’ve had continued success with a diet and I know it’s only because I’m home alone, I don’t know how you do it with a house full. If you want to take one of my kids’ empty rooms for a couple weeks let me know! But I know you can do it, from what I’ve read you’re incredibly strong, you just need to get your mind around this. You’ll do it when you’re ready. I’m cheering for you!

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    • That would be great if we lived closer! A walking/support buddy would be a big motivator!! Thank you for the offer of your kid’s room! I would have to leave no forwarding address … because the whole gang would want to follow 🙂 Then they’d tempt us both! haha! Thank you for your words of encouragement! It means a lot! And, it is really helping me to get back on track and be accountable!

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  3. Gina, once you find the motivation you will be able to achieve your goals. I suggest trying to be as active as possible. Sometimes that might seem like the hardest thing to do. trust me I have been there! I wish you all the best luck. I know you can do it!

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    Reply
    • You are so right! Being active is the hardest thing for me to do when it really should be the easiest! Excuses, excuses! 🙂 Thank you for your comment & words of support!

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