I had trouble falling asleep over the weekend. One particular night, I just really had trouble turning off my brain. As I laid in bed, one thought began ruminating around …
Before I disclose that thought I must first tell you that I am a fan of The Biggest Loser. This past episode, one contestant had trouble figuring out why she got to the point she had in her life … more specifically, the weight she had gotten to. Jillian asked her repetitively why she had gotten to ?? pounds?
So, the thought that popped in my head on one of my sleepless nights was Jillian screaming at me & asking “Why are you 190 pounds?” Unlike last weeks contestant on The Biggest Loser, I can chronicle my path to this weight.
I left high school weighing 127 pounds.
(My senior photo)
I married, had 2 sons and returned each post pregnancy to my new set point of 145 pounds. Not too bad for my 5’3 frame.
(About 145 ish pounds)
Then my upward spiral began …
In 1992, my life was forever changed when I delivered my only daughter, Hannah. She was stillborn. In my initial period of grieving, I dropped to my lowest weight ever as an adult … 107 pounds. It was particularly hard to return to everyday life since I was a labor and delivery nurse. And, even harder since my friends and family tried to shield me from the pain with avoidance of the subject. So, I ate the pain away. To make matters worse, knowing I wanted another child, I went through 5 years of infertility. Again, I ate away the pain. When I finally became pregnant, I topped the scale at 172 pounds. I did drop a few pounds postpartum, but that would be short lived. My new set point became 172 pounds.
In 2001, we moved to Tennessee. I found a job I loved … on most days. I found a great OB doctor and was diagnosed with PCOS. I began metformin with pretty good results and was able to drop down to 160 ish pounds. However, this was again short lived. The hospital where I worked was a small hospital and as most small hospitals have done around here they closed the OB unit the end of 2007. I decided to have a hysterectomy before again returning to work. Some called it nurse burn out, some called it wacky hormones from the surgery, some called it unresolved grief over my daughter … whatever it was, I never returned to nursing. And, again, I ate away the pain! My new set point became 190 pounds!
(March 13, 2010 @ 190 lbs.)
So, now we all know how I got here! I guess all that is left is to maneuver the road back from here.
I know we each struggle with our own daily issues … some life altering, some just minor inconveniences.
Weekends are the hardest for me. Monday through Thursday, we have a pretty set routine. I am usually home alone all day and I can make good choices. I usually do some calisthenic type exercises during the day and then my son and I go for a walk / run after school. But, Friday through Sunday, my husband is off and we “fly by the seat of his pants” as he likes to call it. I generally have a cheat day on Saturday and try to keep my will power through all of his temptations the other two days. Some weekends I am successful. This past weekend, however, I was not! And all exercise is non – existent on these days. Thank goodness, we do stay pretty active though … walked through the flea market, painted the upstairs, started cleaning the garage, looked for houses, grocery shopping, etc.
But, was it enough? This is the first time since beginning this that I am dreading my Monday weigh in. What I wouldn’t do for a little time on The Biggest Loser ranch! I sure could use Jillian or Bob to help me sort through my baggage!